JKWhitehead & Associates

BLOG

Is Being Self-Centered That Bad: Caring for Others vs Caring for Self

Has there been a shift in our thinking around caring for others vs. caring for ourselves? I ask this because of the current focus on Self-Awareness. Has the pendulum swung again to a focus on self rather than on others? (Some may ask if the pendulum ever really swung toward the latter!) I remember the 1970s being dubbed the “me” generation because of the way the baby boomers had become so self-centered, more concerned about themselves and their own comfort than those around them. The fallout of that state of affairs was the economic recession of the early 1980’s: very high unemployment and the collapse of savings and loans financial institutions, blamed in part on the excessive greed and over-consumption of that “me” generation.

However, the series that I have been writing over the past 14 weeks is not on economics but on soft skills. So where is the connection? I see it in the way that every few months, it seems that a new “best” system of managing or leading pops up. A new expert writes a book on the latest and greatest method, but a close examination reveals it to be merely a reworking of a system that had already come and gone. We are told that the newest and latest method will give us insight into how to solve our current “unique” issues. The reality, though, is that things may change but they also stay remarkably the same.

I have come to believe that we need to have, and use, the combination of both the new and the old. Of course we should pay attention to the latest research and ideas, but we should not necessarily throw away all the experience and knowledge we have gained over many years just to chase the “new” thing. In the context of this post, does it have to be either Caring for Yourself vs. Caring for Others, or can it be both? I believe it can.

“Why do we assume that showing care and concern for others and their needs means that we make ourselves and our needs our lowest priority?”

Why do we assume that showing care and concern for others and their needs means that we make ourselves and our needs our lowest priority? That we either practice self-care or be a good colleague and team member who demonstrates compassion for others, but that we can’t be or do both? What if we can, and actually need, to do both. That they are inclusive? If we have shared goals with those with whom we share our personal and professional lives, finding a way to take care of both ourselves and others can create an environment for success. Caring for ourselves can be a template, a model for caring for others. By taking good care of ourselves, we become the best colleague we can be, demonstrating care for others. Seeing the ways in which everyone is interconnected, and the way in which everyone’s success benefits the entire group is an important attitude shift. When we can find a way to care for others and ourselves, we develop a more positive, productive workplace. When we come to the realization that we have shared goals with those we work with, we can find a way to both care for ourselves and care for others.

 

Keep Calm and… Attitude and Work Ethic

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” – Albert Einstein

You’ve most likely heard the phrase, “Hire for attitude; you can always train and test for skills.”  Hard skills for any job can usually be tested. A simple example would be for typing skills –you can measure a candidate’s keyboarding speed by administering a test. Attitude, though, is different. It cannot be objectively measured, and that is why it can be classified as a soft skill.

A 2012 Forbes article on a study of 20,000 new hires found that 46% of them failed within 18 months of being hired. Of those 89% failed because of attitudinal issues and only 11% due to a lack of skills. A more recent study by Millennium Branding (2014) showed that positive attitude (84%) was one of the top three attributes that recruiters look for.

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” ― Winston S. Churchill

 

A positive attitude is very much a real thing. There is now science behind the idea that having a positive attitude makes a difference. Using EMI machines scientist are mapping the brain and observing how both negative and positive thinking impacts the brain’s functioning. Evidence indicates that positive events help the brain develop new neuro pathways, which improves learning, making people open to new ideas and feelings, and that negative thinking actually decreases cognitive functioning and can create a drop in the immune system, which makes a person susceptible to illness. Richard Boyatzis names these effects in his Intentional Change Theory and states that we either move towards a Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) or Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA). Our natural tendency, due to our ancestry, is to move towards the negative (fight or flight). The ancient part of our brain is wired to watch out for danger and to see things in the negative. However by raising our self-awareness and managing our emotions (EQ) we can consciously move towards and maintain a PEA.

So why is all this important?

  • It increases and improves productivity.
  • It increases and improves workplace happiness.
  • We become viewed as approachable and therefore build more effective workplace relationships.
  • It creates a space that allows us to positively handle challenges or setbacks – it breeds resilience.

Our attitude defines how we approach things. There will be times when we have a bad or negative attitude and time when we have a good or positive one. Our management of these will have a significant impact on our success, not only in our careers but also our lives.

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.” ― Marcus Aurelius,

 

Being clear about what you’re working for is an important part of building a positive attitude and strong work ethic. If you are not sure what you are working for, it can be difficult or even impossible to fully invest in a project or in developing your skills. Here are some ideas to get you started (from Ten Soft Skills You Need. 2015, Global Courseware Inc.)…

  • Take time to clarify your personal goals, both in terms of specific projects and in terms of your overall career.
  • Set specific goals and then create plans to achieve them.
    • Tie these goals to your day-to-day tasks and responsibilities so that you can keep them in sight.
  • When working with a team, it is also vital that you outline clear group goals.
    • Know what each member of the group is working for, and what the group is collectively working for.
    • Find ways to consistently tie individual tasks or steps to the overarching group goals and to individual members’ personal goals.

 

The Myth of Multitasking

My focus for this final post on the soft skill of personal management is on multitasking. Multitasking is exactly what it sounds like – trying to do more than one thing at a time. How many times have you heard a colleague proclaim that they are great multitaskers? Many of us claim (or complain about) the ability to handle a “million things” at a time. We listening to a colleague while checking email, working on a document while talking on the phone, attend meetings with our laptops open.  We assume that multitasking leads to better productivity or that it is the best way to maximize our time. Many recent studies into multitasking, however, show that it is not after all the great solution to 21st-century, high tech living, but in fact, people who multitask have been shown to take 30%-40% longer to complete tasks. A recent study documented in INC Magazine (http://www.inc.com/larry-kim/why-multi-tasking-is-killing-your-brain.html) from the University of London actually suggests that multitasking is damaging the brain. Another research study from Stanford University (http://news.stanford.edu/news/2009/august24/multitask-research-study-082409.html) demonstrated how multitaskers consistently underperformed others who took on projects one at a time, disproving the myth that multitasking was a good thing.

As INC points out, “The biggest instigator of multitasking mayhem? Our inboxes. Some studies have shown that even the opportunity to multitask, such as knowledge of an unread email in your inbox, can reduce your effective IQ by 10 points! …A McKinsey Global Institute Study found that employees spend 28 percent of their workweek checking emails.”

So what can we do?

  • Turn off email notifications
  • Set your email to check for new messages at set times rather than constant refreshing
  • Mute cell phones
  • As I noted in previous posts – create to do lists for the day and stick to them
    • Complete one task before you move onto the next
  • Block in times on your schedule to answer voice messages, answer emails, and check social media of all kinds.

Multitasking is a significant part of personal and time management. Managing it adds another dimension to improving your overall soft skills.

The Power of Flow: A Personal Management Soft Skill

Have you ever had those moments when you are involved in an activity and time just seems to have flown by? Maybe it was sitting at the piano, painting, a challenging chess match, or reading a really good book. Maybe you were playing a sport and everything was working—every pass you made, every shot you took, or every stroke of the golf club—you just couldn’t miss. Athletes call this being in the zone. It is also called “flow”.

Psychologists, and specifically those in the Positive Psychology movement, define “flow” as “the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity” (Wikipedia). Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who spent two decades studying it and who is recognized for discovering this, described it as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz” (I love the jazz metaphor). When we are a flow state, we are completely absorbed in what we are doing, and this produces a feeling of energized focus and enjoyment. Tapping into flow is a powerful way to increase our own productivity, and the productivity of our teams. We are most likely to achieve flow when we are engaged in a task to which our skills are well matched – another reason to identify the capabilities of each person on a team (see my posts on teambuilding). Flow is also achieved more easily when we have clear goals and can focus on the process rather than the end product. And as I alluded to in my post last week, one of the most important keys to achieving flow is to minimize interruptions when you are working.

In Search Inside Yourself (Harper One), Chade-MengTan stated that “Flow” is another way of looking at passion. He uses the example of Tony Hsieh of Zappos who saw passion as one of the three types of happiness. That passion (flow) is “where peak performance meets peak engagement, and time flies by”.

In the work world, when we find the flow state, time seems to pass quickly without our noticing. We are also more likely to create high quality work with fewer errors. Because we are totally focused on what we are doing, a flow state may be a key aspect of mastering a new set of skills – stretching your skill set and cultivating flow can be a great tool for professional development and that’s why it is an important part of the personal management soft skill set.

 

John Whitehead, MA, CEC, coaches individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

If you would like to get notifications for when I post, please go to my blog site and register. I promise I will not spam or use your email address for anything else. You can visit and register for my blog at https://johnkwhitehead.ca/blog-2/

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session********

 

 

Soft Skill Management of Time (Dr Who take note)

I concluded my last post with a promise of some practical applications for use in Time and Personal Management.  I also discussed Steven Covey’s concept that personal management is actually the fourth generation of time management. Covey, in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Simon and Shuster, 1989), describes the first generation as one of notes and checklists. The second generation is characterized by calendars and appointment books; the third generation adds to the preceding two with the ideas of prioritizing, clarifying values and “comparing the relative worth of activities based on their relationship to those values” (Covey). The third generation introduced the setting of both long- and short-term goals, and daily planning to accomplish them. In Covey’s mind this made everything very clinical and distant and often didn’t allow for creativity, spontaneity or relationship building. This led to his fourth generation, which he diagrammed in the following:

Covey’s view is that quadrant two is the optimum place to “be”. I will let you spend time researching this yourselves as I’m sure most of you have a copy of this book in your libraries or if not, know someone who does. It is definitely worth rereading if it’s been some time since you read it.

Some Practical Tips:

As promised, here some practical time management tips that work for me. Only you can determine whether they will work for you, so try them out! If you have your own solutions, tips or tricks, please add them to this discussion.

 

The Art of Scheduling

  • Figure out your goals for the year, month and week.
    • Prioritize them.
    • Set milestones for each item (what needs to be done, and by when).
    • Build in celebrations (treats for hitting targets).
    • Put these events into your calendar.
  • Block into your calendar events that occur regularly or frequently, both professional and personal. For example:
    • I have specific things I want to accomplish each week. One is writing this weekly post, so I block “creative time” into my calendar so that I have dedicated time for writing or producing other material.
    • Don’t forget personal time – block in time for the gym, vacations, family time, etc. (In fact why not put these in first and then build everything else around them?)
  • At the beginning of each day make a list of items you want/need to accomplish.
    • Just write them down as you think of them
    • Prioritize them, write 1, 2, 3…. beside each.
    • Cross them off the list as you complete them
      • If you don’t get to these items just move them to your next day’s list.
    • Here is an idea I came across many years ago: If you complete a task that was not on your list, add it anyway and then cross it off. I’ll explain why below.

Managing Distractions

A major key to getting things done, is to manage distractions. Distractions happen—we can minimize them and manage them, but never eliminate them altogether. Creating a plan for managing distractions is an important time management skill. The first step is to determine what your major distractions are. Doing so can help you find solutions and manage them.

Some common distractions are:

  • Colleagues stopping by to chat
  • Checking email or voicemail
  • Noise in the environment
  • Clutter in your workspace
  • Boredom after spending too long on one task
  • New ideas popping into your head that just “need” to be dealt with now

You can solve these by:

  • Establishing “open door” hours
  • Closing your door or otherwise indicating “Please Do Not Disturb”
  • Using noise canceling headphones
  • Setting a regular time to check voicemail and email
  • Letting calls go to voicemail
  • De-cluttering your workspace
  • Building in breaks

Finally, have you ever had one of those days when you feel like you accomplished nothing at all? Let’s go back to my list-making suggestions above. If you cross off the actions you completed plus add to the list other activities you completed that weren’t on the original list, then at the end of the day you can look back at it and, sure enough you will have a documented record of your accomplishments for the day. I guess I can check off “write my next blog post” now.

 

John Whitehead, MA, CEC, coaches individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

If you would like to get notifications for when I post, please go to my blog site and register. I promise I will not spam or use your email address for anything else. You can visit and register for my blog at https://johnkwhitehead.ca/blog-2/

 

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session********