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Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, personal development, Self-Awareness, Soft Skills

How Do We Become Self-Aware

April 21, 2018

Self-aware

Last week a LinkedIn friend, Aly B Moreno wrote an incredibly insightful article called Sustainable Growth through HBD a most required Paradigm. I will leave you to follow the link and read it. In his article, Aly askes a number of very interesting questions around human development and it got me thinking again about how important self-awareness is in this journey and my personal journey….

My journey towards self-awareness started some years ago by trying to understand the kind of leader I am, which I wrote about in an earlier blog: https://johnkwhitehead.ca/core-leadership-self-awareness/. My personal journey continues and here is what I have learned so far.

We can only be assured of our own self-awareness. We can present this “state” to others if you will, but we cannot know how others are feeling, their state of “self-awareness” or what they are thinking unless they tell us. We can then attempt to judge for ourselves whether we want to accept that or not. This in itself becomes a “self-awareness” action, as in doing so we need to be aware of what we know and how we are “feeling” about the situation.

Self-awareness is an on-going learning process, which is why I tied it to the ability to learn (https://johnkwhitehead.ca/soft-skills-ability-to-learn/). We really do need to believe that learning is important or why do it? And by taking on “learning” we in turn become more self-aware.

Self-awareness is a state of mind; it is something many of us actively pursue. I have come to understand that people pursue self-awareness for a variety of reasons, all valid as they are theirs. They may be seeking an answer to a challenge they are facing or reflecting on an event that has impacted them. It occurs to me that there is a long history of this practice — self reflection is major component of many belief systems, and the practice of self-discovery is an integral part of that. Without getting into the mystical, the practice of spending time in reflection brings with it the opportunity for a deeper understanding of one’s thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

I tie self-awareness to emotional intelligence (EI) and the model designed by Sparrow & Knight (2006), which breaks EI down to Intrapersonal Intelligence (self-awareness and self-management) and Interpersonal Intelligence (other awareness & relationship management) or, as I teach in my Social Styles workshops, Know Yourself, Control Yourself, Know Others, Do Something for Others. Sparrow and Knight state that EI is the habitual practice of

Using emotional information from ourselves to other people;
Integrating this with our thinking;
Using those actions to inform our decision-making to help us get what we want from the immediate situation, and from life in general.

In other words, EI is using thinking about feeling (and feeling about thinking) to guide our behaviour (Neale, Spencer-Arnell & Wilson, 2011). Chade-MengTan (2012) uses Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol as an example of someone with very low intrapersonal intelligence and describes how it took three the intervention of three ghosts to raise his self-awareness. Raising self-awareness is raising our EI. Although we don’t have the opportunity to have ghosts to demonstrate to us the levels of our own self-awareness (thankfully), we do have other tools at our disposal, such as formal 360 assessments and behaviour profiles such as Tracom’s SOCIAL STYLE and Versatility profile. We can also solicit feedback from family and friends to check if our perception of ourselves matches how others see us. These tools can give us a start in increasing self-awareness.

As a coach I see this often in my client sessions. As they grasp a better understanding of the challenges they are facing, they get a better understanding of who they are, and become more self-aware. I can actually see the moment of realization or recognition: the client’s body position shifts, facial features change and often they vocalize it in some way. As a coach I can help a client become more aware of themselves as I lead them into a deeper exploration of the challenges they may be facing. The technique I use with clients to help them become more self-aware is to journal. I ask them to articulate each day’s events and progress as a means of recording how they were “feeling”, how their body was reacting, getting them to recognize triggers and then how to use them to achieve their desired changes. This can be a process of days, weeks, or even longer, but over time the act of just doing it raises their self-awareness and can lead to change. My role in that activity is to hold them accountable to doing it and to ask the questions around what they learn and how that can use that learning to create sustainable self-awareness and change.

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John Whitehead, coach’s leaders to become more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at [email protected]********

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Executive Coaching, Leadership, Leadership Development, Self-Awareness, SOCIAL STYLE, Soft Skills

Keep Calm and… Attitude and Work Ethic

John Whitehead

April 15, 2018

google commons image

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” – Albert Einstein

You’ve most likely heard the phrase, “Hire for attitude; you can always train and test for skills.” Hard skills for any job can usually be tested. A simple example would be for typing skills –you can measure a candidate’s keyboarding speed by administering a test. Attitude, though, is different. It cannot be objectively measured, and that is why it can be classified as a soft skill.

A 2012 Forbes article on a study of 20,000 new hires found that 46% of them failed within 18 months of being hired. Of those 89% failed because of attitudinal issues and only 11% due to a lack of skills. A more recent study by Millennium Branding (2014) showed that positive attitude (84%) was one of the top three attributes that recruiters look for.

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” ― Winston S. Churchill

A positive attitude is very much a real thing. There is now science behind the idea that having a positive attitude makes a difference. Using EMI machines scientist are mapping the brain and observing how both negative and positive thinking impacts the brain’s functioning. Evidence indicates that positive events help the brain develop new neuro pathways, which improves learning, making people open to new ideas and feelings, and that negative thinking actually decreases cognitive functioning and can create a drop in the immune system, which makes a person susceptible to illness. Richard Boyatzis names these effects in his Intentional Change Theory and states that we either move towards a Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA) or Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA). Our natural tendency, due to our ancestry, is to move towards the negative (fight or flight). The ancient part of our brain is wired to watch out for danger and to see things in the negative. However by raising our self-awareness and managing our emotions (EQ) we can consciously move towards and maintain a PEA.

So why is all this important?

It increases and improves productivity.
It increases and improves workplace happiness.
We become viewed as approachable and therefore build more effective workplace relationships.
It creates a space that allows us to positively handle challenges or setbacks – it breeds resilience.

Our attitude defines how we approach things. There will be times when we have a bad or negative attitude and time when we have a good or positive one. Our management of these will have a significant impact on our success, not only in our careers but also our lives.

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.” ― Marcus Aurelius,

Being clear about what you’re working for is an important part of building a positive attitude and strong work ethic. If you are not sure what you are working for, it can be difficult or even impossible to fully invest in a project or in developing your skills. Here are some ideas to get you started (from Ten Soft Skills You Need. 2015, Global Courseware Inc.)…

Take time to clarify your personal goals, both in terms of specific projects and in terms of your overall career.
Set specific goals and then create plans to achieve them.
- Tie these goals to your day-to-day tasks and responsibilities so that you can keep them in sight.
When working with a team, it is also vital that you outline clear group goals.
- Know what each member of the group is working for, and what the group is collectively working for.
- Find ways to consistently tie individual tasks or steps to the overarching group goals and to individual members’ personal goals.

Leadership, Leadership Development, personal development, Soft Skills

Is Professionalism a Soft Skill?

John Whitehead

April 7, 2018

“Soft Skills, or the ability to manage soft issues, is a challenge for modern leaders to master” Aly Moreno

I received a comment from one of my most reliable blog post followers shortly after I started publishing this material in my blog. He stated, “…Soft Skills or the ability to manage soft issues is a challenge for modern leaders to master! I would only add, if I may Integrity, i.e. all the features you very well mention have got to be handled with Integrity otherwise you may as well forget about it….” He makes a very valid and valuable point and I think it is an approach one can take to anything in life. The reality is, however, that the opposite can also be true: that those with ulterior motives can and do use soft skills effectively to achieve their own ends. The classic example would be Hitler, who successfully used his communication skills to sway a nation and then led them into a catastrophic war. This reinforces for me the importance of making sure that we all develop soft skills to the best of our abilities, to become professional in our use of them, to counter those that would use them in negative ways.

Professionalism

What does the word “professional” mean to you? What image does the word conjure up for you? For some it may create up an image of a cold, distant, brusque person in a nondescript navy blue suit. For others it can simply mean conducting oneself with responsibility, integrity, accountability, and excellence. In that sense professionalism is also a key soft skill, and it is here that the word integrity appears and where it fits with my friend’s comments above. Integrity, honesty, trust—these are values that should drive how we communicate, listen, show empathy, network, demonstrate self-confidence, and give and receive feedback.

A number of years ago I presented a workshop to a group of salespeople which explored the meaning of being a professional. I took some material from Nido Qubein’s book “Professional Selling Techniques” (Berkley Books, New York, 1985) where he brakes down the concept into five parts:

A professional:

Has a specialized knowledge and skill that enables them to render a valuable service.
Maintains a unique relationship with their clients. People come to them with specific needs and expect them to be filled.
Renders services for which people are willing to pay.
Is held accountable for the services they render – or fail to render.
Maintains a professional attitude.

Acting with professionalism also means seeking to communicate effectively with others and finding a way to be productive. Professionalism can also look like this:

Always reporting to work on time and returning promptly from breaks
Dressing appropriately
Being clean and neat
Speaking clearly and politely to colleagues, customers, and clients
Striving to meet high standards for one’s own work

So is professionalism a soft skill? There are some who say it is. I’m not so sure. For me professionalism is how you demonstrate and use the soft skills of communication: listening, showing empathy, networking, self-confidence, and giving and receiving feedback.

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John Whitehead coaches individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at [email protected]********

communication, Interpersonal Communications, Leadership Development, Soft Skills

Do you have the Soft Skills Required to be Successful?

John Whitehead

March 30, 2018

Why is it that soft skills seem to have become the newest and latest “big” thing? Weren’t they always important and necessary? However, I’m noticing more and more articles and posts focused on the need to increase soft skill training and development, which in turn suggests at least the perception of a shortage of these skills. In a recent post Sierra Charter comments on a US NEWS article in which the author stated that “Although a strong background in traditional ‘hard’ skills like writing, mathematics and science will always have its place in academic and career worlds, an increasing number of employers desire prospective employees with ‘soft’ skills’”. In the same way that many post-secondary institutions teach a student trade skills but little in the way of how to run a trade business, so do these same institutions fail to provide training in things such as collaboration, communication and interpersonal skills. Granted, you can find courses on these subjects as part of many college continuing education programs, but what about in grades K to 12? I think it is important to note that of all the subjects taught in schools, the area where soft skills has the most potential to be developed is the area that tends to get cut first due to budgets, that is the arts – music, dance and theatre.

In his book Teaching Students To Dig Deeper: The Common Core in Action, Ben Johnson describes how a software executive stated “[that] he doesn’t place much emphasis on what the individual knows right now. He is looking for someone who can learn on the fly a completely new programming language because what is currently being used may be outdated in six months.” This executive goes on to state that we do ourselves a disservice by using the terms “soft-skills” when referring to reasoning, logic, collaboration, communication, and thinking skills; that in the information technology industry, these skills are crucial and anything but “soft” because they are the most difficult to master and, “unfortunately, fairly rare in employee candidates.”

Johnson goes on to state that we need to be teaching skills such as:

Critical Thinking and Problem Solving
Collaboration across Networks and Leading by Influence
Agility and Adaptability
Initiative and Entrepreneurialism
Effective Oral and Written Communication
Accessing and Analyzing Information
Curiosity and Imagination

These critical skills are what businesses are clamoring for in their future employees, not just in high tech but in other industries as well.

A recent study in the UK determined that “Soft Skills” are worth £88bn ($186bn CDN) to the UK economy. A business group—including, believe it or not, McDonalds—is doing a three month study on how government can introduce policies that will help employees and employers develop soft skills. The CPO (Chief People Officer) for McDonalds in the UK and northern Europe stated that abilities such as communications, interpersonal skills and time management were “essential skills” for employees.

So should teaching “soft-skills” be a priority in schools? This is a title of an excellent article by Alejandro Ganimian in EductionNext where he describes and concludes that, yes, they should be because, for one reason, children need to be able to use a soft skill such as patience to be able to work on math problems. As another commentator noted, “If we believe that public education is an anchor of democracy, a propeller of our economy and the vehicle through which we help all children achieve their dreams, then we have to make public education about three things: helping our students build trusting relationships—with both their peers and adults; equipping them with essential knowledge and the tools to critically think and problem solve; and perhaps most important, helping them develop persistence and grit—the ability and means to deal with disappointment and lack of success.”

I don’t know what it’s like in the school system where you live, but it’s something to think about. How are we preparing the next generation to succeed when it comes to interpersonal relationships? It’s obviously become an issue that needs to be addressed.

Coaching, communication, Executive Coaching, Leadership, Leadership Development, Listening, Self-Awareness, Soft Skills

What Does It Mean To Really Listen

John Whitehead

March 14, 2018

In my upcoming book (hopefully to be available this fall) I explore the importance of Soft Skills development. Two of these skills are verbal and non-verbal communications: its nature of being a “two way street,” the need for both a sender and a receiver in order for the communication to be anything other than mere noise. Some have suggested that listening is more important than talking for effective communication. You’ve probably heard the old adage, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak”. The symbolism is obvious.

In this week’s video blog post I talk about my personal experience with finally getting the importance of actually listening.

Listening is more than just hearing the words someone speaks. It is a total way of receiving verbal and nonverbal messages, processing them, and communicating that understanding back to the speaker. Many of us listen in order to respond – we are formulating our next message while the other is still talking. We should instead listen to understand – to fully take in, process, and comprehend the message that is being sent. We communicate from our own perspective, the reality in which we live, our understanding of our own world. So ask questions to clarify the speaker’s meaning. Reframe what they have said in your own words, to see if you get agreement on their intended message. By doing this you learn to seek their perspective and reality, rather than defaulting to your own.