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Executive Coaching, Leadership, Leadership Development, personal development

Setting Targets for the New Year?

December 31, 2018

It’s that time of year when we start to take a look ahead at what we want to achieve in the coming New Year and at the same time reflect on where we have come from since this same time last year. It is fascinating to read the posts that start to appear on LinkedIn and other social media sites as “experts” list off the “best of….” and “Top 10….” things one has to do for the year ahead.

I went back over my blog posts and noticed that there are some years I write something on the subject and other times I haven’t. Last year I didn’t write anything about moving into a new year or new resolutions, I seemed to have skipped it completely. For the end of December 2014 had a title that seemed to position it for looking ahead to 2015 (For 2015, First Know Yourself) but as I read it is pretty generic and could in fact be a post to be read at any time throughout the year. In December 2016 I posted this article which I have modified a little… enjoy.

Why do we concentration so much attention on “what we need to change” at the beginning of every year, year after year, when we should actually be focusing on that throughout the year. One of my core values is learning. I’m a believer in continuous learning and I am privileged to be able to do that week in week out as coach and teacher. We should all be attempting to learn a few new things every week, if not every day.

There is very old saying that the only constant is change and I have found that to be true. Yes, take time to reflect on the past year and to look ahead to what you want to accomplish in 2017. But don’t stop there, make it a practice to do this whether it is quarterly or monthly or even weekly. What are your long, medium and short range plans? Being open to learning new things and the change they create is for everyone but for leaders, especially true and I would say even critical – it is not an option. Akin in his study on learning habits (Varieties of Managerial Learning) found that managers/leaders were “surprisingly congruous… Learning is experienced as a personal transformation. A person does not gather learnings as a possession but rather becomes a new person… to learn is not to have, it is to be.” (Akin, G. (1987). Varieties of Managerial Learning. Organizational Dynamics, 16(2), 36-48). We become who we are through our continuous learning, especially about self which brings me back to my post of December 2014 and its message; by first learning about, understanding and accepting ourselves … and then learning about and understanding others, we can begin to communication and behave in a way that reduces frustration and stress, and ultimately creates a better environment whether at work, home, or leisure.

Over the past four years I have written and published over 200 posts on Leadership and Leadership development. Click here to access my Leadership series directory:

John Whitehead, coaches’ individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at john@johnkwhitehead.ca ********

Interpersonal Communications, Leadership Development, personal development, SOCIAL STYLE, Soft Skills, team building

Why Team Building is an Important Soft Skill

John Whitehead

December 19, 2018

Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships. – Michael Jordan

There is no strength until there is cooperation – Irish Proverb

John Adair defined “team” as “a group in which the individuals share a common aim and in which the jobs and skills of each member fit in and those of others”. Working in a successful team can be rewarding. It can be even more rewarding to use your own skills to create, develop and lead a successful team. Team building then is a critical component of Soft Skills.

People have always worked in teams, going back to our earliest hunter-gatherer days when working as a team meant our very survival. It has since moved on to working in collaboration for defense, the success of family, and social interaction. When a task has been too big or complex for just one individual we have banded together, in everything from taking down a big animal to performing a symphony.

Even if you work independently most of the time, there will be times when you need to interact with others, either at work or at play. Working in teams is a major part of the modern workplace experience. More than ever before, collaboration has become the crucial element leading to success in today’s high tech and fast paced environment. Finding ways to build teams that accomplish their required tasks in the most efficient and accurate manner is often challenging, especially when bringing together individuals with diverse sets of hard and soft skills. There are some basic techniques you can use when building, or working, with a team to help create a cohesive unit that leverages everyone’s talents and ensures that each person contributes.

Identifying Capabilities

“Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its life thinking it is stupid” ~ A. Einstein.

When building a team, it is key to identify the different talents, skills, and capabilities each team member brings. Take the time at the outset to ask each member what he or she brings to the team.

What skills, abilities and relationships does each team member have that can enhance the project?
What does each person feel he or she does well?
How can the team use all these talents and capabilities to achieve the best outcome?

Figuring out what which team member does well is critical to the team’s success. Putting the wrong person in the wrong spot can lead to disaster, not only for that person but also for the team. Making sure everyone is using the best suited talents and skill sets, or that, as Jim Collins stated, everyone is in the right seat on the bus, creates a symbiotic relationship that leads to maximum results.

Barriers to effective team dynamics include:

Dissonant personality styles
Conflicting priorities and work schedules
Fast-paced work routines leaving little time for relationship-building
Lack of connectedness and understanding among team members
Lack of trust in leaders

We need the ability to look beyond ourselves to understand others’ personalities and viewpoints. The soft skill required is to understand how our communication and behaviour styles, and stress-response patterns, differ from others’ in the workplace. The SOCIAL STYLEs model™ of Social Intelligence provides a perspective on first how to recognize our own patterns and then how to recognize others. Once we have done this we can then start to learn how we can “move towards” others and communicate with them better. SOCIAL STYLEs calls this Versatility and it uses the Platinum Rule: treat other how they want to be treated. Once we have developed and implemented this soft skill we can then start to see team dynamics and performances soar.

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John Whitehead coaches individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at john@johnkwhitehead.ca********

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Leadership Development, Listening, personal development, Self-Awareness, Soft Skills

Listening… The Secret to Communication

John Whitehead

December 12, 2018

“There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.” — Simon Sinek

My previous two posts in this Soft Skills series have been about verbal and non-verbal communications: its nature of being a “two way street,” the need for both a sender and a receiver in order for the communication to be anything other than mere noise. Some have suggested that listening is more important than talking for effective communication. You’ve probably heard the old adage, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak”. The symbolism is obvious.

Listening is more than just hearing the words someone speaks. It is a total way of receiving verbal and nonverbal messages, processing them, and communicating that understanding back to the speaker. Many of us listen in order to respond – we are formulating our next message while the other is still talking. We should instead listen to understand – to fully take in, process, and comprehend the message that is being sent. We communicate from our own perspective, the reality in which we live, our understanding of our own world. So ask questions to clarify the speaker’s meaning. Reframe what they have said in your own words, to see if you get agreement on their intended message. By doing this you learn to seek their perspective and reality, rather than defaulting to your own.

“Man’s inability to communicate is a result of his failure to listen effectively.”— Carl Rogers

We need to be aware of our own emotional stance. If you are having trouble understanding the message, or having trouble getting your message across, look for the common perspective. It may be difficult but we need to keep our composure. Try to understand that negative comments are not necessarily personal, but more likely born out of frustration with the situation.

Effective communication then is a two way street, involving both a sender and receiver. It is about the sender making their intention clear, and the receiver being present and in the moment to actively listen. Intent is important – are we being clear about it? Understanding the difference between words and meaning is a vital capability for effective communications and relationships. For example, as John Ruskin stated: “The essence of lying is in deception, not in words.” (John Ruskin, 1819-1900, English art critic and social commentator). I learned long ago that when starting a difficult conversation with someone, it was critical to state my intent, and more importantly what it was not. I have found that this allows the other person to listen to what I am saying, and to understand the message behind the words.

“Without credible communication, and a lot of it, the hearts and minds of others are never captured.” — John P. Kotter

Finally, you can’t make another person actively listen to you, but you can increase the odds in your favour that they will, by understanding the other person’s communications style. Does she only need quick, basic information with few details, or does she need a lot of detail, maybe even to make a list? Does he appreciate it when you infuse your message with emotion,, or does he not want any emotional attachment to the message at all? By recognizing these four basic things you can change how you communicate with others, giving them what they need to understand and process what you are saying or asking.

Openness and Honesty

Open, honest communication is the key to building workplace relationships and demonstrating professionalism. While you do not need to discuss personal or private topics in the workplace, being transparent and honest about work matters and generally being willing to communicate with others is vital. People can sense when someone is hiding something or withholding information, and tend not to trust him or her. This damages workplace trust and relationships, and may lead to lower productivity and morale. Each of us has a different level of comfort with what we choose to disclose about ourselves, but being willing to share parts of yourself with your colleagues also helps to build rapport.

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John Whitehead coaches individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at john@johnkwhitehead.ca********

communication, Interpersonal Communications, Leadership Development, personal development, Soft Skills

Nonverbal Communication – the Ultimate Soft Skill?

John Whitehead

December 5, 2018

Interpersonal communication is a huge part of leadership. The ability to get your message across, whether it’s a simple instruction or a complex expectation, is very important. Some believe that being a good leader means being able to get things done in the quickest, most efficient way; less concerned with the method, as with the result. Many of us have worked for the type of manager who marches in, tells us what to do and then leaves, often leaving us feeling both undervalued and used. In this scenario it not as much what is said but what is unsaid.

In his book, Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others, James Flaherty (2010) stated that “language forms the basis for observation and it is, in fact, not possible to make any observation outside language”. So how is language defined in this context? Flaherty’s contention is that “language is an orientation to our common world”. Language then is not just the words we use but also includes observable behaviours, tone and intonation. Several studies have described communication in this breakdown: 7% by the spoken word, 38% by tone and intonation and a full 55% by body language such as gestures, eye contact, posture, personal space (Mehrabian, 1971). Although there is continuing debate on the validity of these studies, it only makes sense that how you say something and your body posture when saying it will have some effect on how the message is perceived and received.

Other studies show that if a person’s nonverbal communication and verbal communication don’t match in terms of message, the listener is more likely to doubt the speaker’s verity. Improving your nonverbal communication therefore can help improve your overall ability to both send and receive messages.

Improving your nonverbal communication starts with awareness. Paying attention to how you use your body when you are talking or listening to someone. An open stance, frequent (but not continuous) eye contact), nods, and a relaxed posture help to communicate that you are open and approachable, and that you are communicating honestly. A closed stance, folding your arms across your chest, staring at the floor, or refusing to make eye contact all indicate that you are not listening, or that you are not communicating openly. Shifting from foot to foot, pacing, or otherwise moving continuously indicate impatience. We do many things without conscious thought, especially when we are otherwise busy. In my coaching practice I work with my clients to be able to slow down, be in the present and take time to notice both their own nonverbal communication and others’, and especially their reaction to others, and from there, to understand their own mental and physiological reactions and to respond in an appropriate manner.

John Whitehead coaches individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at john@johnkwhitehead.ca********

communication, Executive Coaching, Interpersonal Communications, Leadership Development, personal development, Soft Skills

Is communication the most important soft skill?

John Whitehead

November 28, 2018

“The most important thing in communication
is hearing what isn’t said.”

Peter Drucker

Is communication the most important soft skill? I believe it is, and it is why the focus of my practice is on interpersonal communications. I have found that even if a client’s initial interest is in exploring another area of their lives, communication quickly come to the fore. Communication in this context is not just about sending a message, it is about receiving messages: the ability to actively listen and fully understand what is being communicated. Communication is the most important soft skill because everything flows from it — listening, showing empathy, networking, and self-confidence, giving and receiving feedback.

Human communication is complex. The first thing that comes to mind when we hear the word “communication” is often words – either spoken or written. But the words we speak and hear are just one way to communicate, and some studies show that most of our communication takes place through other means:

Nonverbal communication: Communication without words, such as eye contact or posture
Verbal communication: Communication with words, both written and spoken
Body language: Communication through gestures, personal space, and touching
Artistic communication: Communication through images and other creative media
Musical communication: Communication through music, whether with lyrics or without

Most of us have a preferred method of communication, but all of use these different forms at one point or another. Learning to communicate effectively in many forms not only helps when you craft your own messages, but helps you to receive messages as well.

Making assumptions about what another person is saying, or the meaning behind the words they are using, can be a disaster. One of Covey’s “habits” he describes in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (1989) says, “seek first to understand, then to be understood”. He describes it as “the key to effective communication”. If we want to have any sort of effective communication among ourselves, we first have to understand each other. And the simplest way of doing that is by asking questions. Another is by observing the other person. Sounds very simplistic, doesn’t it? It’s true and better yet, we can get better at it!

John Whitehead coaches individuals and organizations in becoming more effective by helping them improve their interpersonal communications, emotional intelligence and resiliency.

*******Are you wondering if having a Leadership/Personal Development Coach is right for you? Contact John for a complimentary, exploratory coaching session at john@johnkwhitehead.ca********