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Executive Coaching, Leadership, Leadership Development, personal development, Self-Awareness, Soft Skills

The Core of Leadership is Self-Awareness – Being who you are.

April 16, 2019

The work of author and business coach Marshall Goldsmith, in particular his book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There (2007) has been a significant influence in me becoming self-aware.

In the spring of 2009 I attended Goldsmith’s workshop in Boston after reading his book and being intrigued by the concepts he espoused, specifically the “Twenty habits that hold you back from the top” (pp 40 – 41). These twenty habits are: winning too much; adding too much value; passing judgment, making destructive comments; starting with “No,” “But,” or However,”; telling the world how smart you are; speaking when angry; negativity, or “let me explain why that won’t work”; withholding information; failing to give proper recognition; claiming credit that we don’t deserve; making excuses; clinging to the past; playing favorites; refusing to express regret; not listening; failing to express gratitude; punishing the messenger; passing the buck and finally; an excessive need to be “me”. Goldsmith’s approach and imagery of leadership struck me as a model I wished to learn more about.

The exhaustive list above lays out a full menu of interpersonal behaviours — that when acknowledged, can be modified without much effort, or as Goldsmith puts it “… the faint imagination to stop doing what you’ve done in the past – in effect, to do nothing at all” (p 39).

Why is this such a powerful leadership book? C.K. Prahalad, author, and Paul and Ruth McCracken of the University of Michigan, stated in one of the introductions to this book, “ …Helping high achievers recognize their sharp edges, become more self-aware, and increase their personal effectiveness is at the heart of leadership development”. It is learning about whom you are, and how, being aware of your behaviours and its impact on those around you, is the first step in becoming a leader. As Short (1998) stated, we have an image of ourselves, of others and about how the “way something is supposed to look; when reality doesn’t match out image, we simply do not see it” (p.13). One of the first steps in effective leadership is looking at things from the inside out.

Scharmer (2009) suggests that the cause of our collective failure is that we are blind to a deeper dimension of leadership and transformational change. Goldsmith suggested that being self-aware, by being open to others feedback can illuminate these areas that are “blind” to us. Most of us can’t afford a professional mentor to follow us around and give feedback, however, what we can do is solicit the help of a peer or colleague to mutually support one another by asking one question, and only one: “How can I do better?” (p 122). Variations such as “What can I do to be a better parent?” or “What can I do to be a better leader of this team?” also work (p 122).

Goldsmith presents the Johari Window as an example of how such feedback can be so effective, that others can observe things about us which we cannot see ourselves – our “blind spots”. When we can see them, they become a “Damascus” moment that can “create dramatic change” (p 123).

“What Goldsmith does is present a simple but powerful approach for helping leaders excel” (Joe Katzenbach as cited in Goldsmith, 2007). This quote embodies what I also discovered, that Goldsmith’s philosophy draws one to the inevitable conclusion that at the core of leadership is self-awareness – being who you are.

Leadership Development

What is SOCIAL STYLE?

John Whitehead

April 11, 2019

**SOCIAL STYLE is the world’s leading Behavioral Style model.** It has been used by thousands of organizations to improve leadership performance and sales results. SOCIAL STYLE is used by global organizations and leading executives because it’s highly effective, yet easy to understand and apply. Years of research into workplace success have shown that people are one of four SOCIAL STYLEs, each with their own preferred way of acting, thinking and making decisions. Understanding those preferences, and applying Versatility strategies, helps you determine the best way to interact with everyone more successfully.

The Power of SOCIAL STYLE is Versatility

Because SOCIAL STYLE is based on observable behavior you can quickly identify a person’s preferences and make informed choices to make that person comfortable. This ability to moderate your behavior is what we call Versatility. The SOCIAL STYLE Assessment measures Versatility and its sub components so learners can understand their strengths and weaknesses when working with others. And SOCIAL STYLE training teaches specific techniques to improve Versatility with people of each Style.

Easier to Learn and Apply than DiSC and MBTI

Once you learn the principles of Style and Versatility, it’s easy to use in any situation. Independent research studies show that people prefer SOCIAL STYLE to other interpersonal skills options such as Myers-Briggs or DiSC. With only four Style options, you can confidently predict a person’s preferences and see the results immediately.

Each Style represents itself through people’s daily interactions. At surface level, each Style is closely linked to whether an individual tends to assert himself or respond to others in social settings, and whether he tends to display emotion or secure control in group settings.

The Components of the SOCIAL STYLE Model:

Assertiveness vs. Responsiveness

Some people prefer to take the lead in more assertive ways, speaking directly and frankly while focusing on the strategic objectives of their teams. Others prefer to respond to input from others, sharing their own ideas as a way to build upon others’. An individual’s tendency towards assertiveness of responsiveness shows itself in their communication style, conflict-management style, the job roles they are drawn to and the way they perceive themselves and their contributions in the workplace.

Emoting vs. Controlling

Some people need to express themselves outwardly in social settings, while others prefer to maintain composure and control. The Expressive and Amiable styles display emotions openly and respond best to those who do the same. Their tendency to emote helps them to build relationships in all directions at work, but it can have mixed effects on team cohesiveness. The Driving and Analytical Style, on the other hand, tend to view displays of emotion as only being relevant in certain settings, not including the workplace.

Testimonials from SOCIAL STYLES workshop events

“Your workshop completely altered my understand{ing} of myself and how I act and encourage others to do as I do. Thanks for doing what it is you do, you have, without doubt helped alter my perspective on my life own life, and for others after you shared with me your knowledge. Thank you, John.”
Shane

We had John in for a day long workshop at Sporting Kansas City last week. I knew after going through a condensed version at ALSD last year, that I wanted to bring him in to work with our staff. As expected, it was really great. It is some of the best feedback I have received from our Sales/Service reps after going through a training. It not only will help them working with their clients and prospects, but it is going to be extremely helpful with in office culture as well. Can’t recommend looking into his services enough.
Jordan Kelsey, VP Ticket Sales & Service, Sporting Kansas City FC

Thank you very much for coming in. It was our most well received visit from an outside speaker ever. About 10 people lunched together yesterday and went over what you talked about. They were still talking about it today.
H. Hamilton, Sr. Sales Manager, Vancouver Whitecaps FC

“Thanks, John, for your informative and interactive presentation at our recent national conference. Not only are your insights on interpersonal communication valuable, you present them in an understandable and entertaining manner. My lingering impression is your passion for this topic – keep up the good work”.
Allan B.

“The workshop was very interactive, and the facilitator did a great job of drawing people in to the exercises – even people who tend to be reticent. Participants left the workshop with practical tools they can use to communicate more effectively. I have attended other “personality type” workshops in the past, and found this one to be refreshing and valuable. I highly recommend this workshop to any organization that wishes to improve its members’ verbal communication skills”.
Elvin G.

Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, Self-Awareness, Soft Skills

How Do We Become Self-Aware?

John Whitehead

April 10, 2019

Last week I wrote about the Ability to Learn in the context of Soft Skills. My comments about self-awareness solicited a response from one of my readers – thanks Mark (see his comments below) – for some powerful questions and your comments. This week I intended to continue my exploration of learning and of criticism but after reading Marks’ comments I felt I needed to expand on the topic of Self-Awareness and in doing so, respond to his questions.

My journey towards self-awareness started some years ago by trying to understand the kind of leader I am, which I wrote about in an earlier blog: https://johnkwhitehead.ca/core-leadership-self-awareness/. My personal journey continues and here is what I have learned so far.

We can only be assured of our own self-awareness. We can present this “state” to others if you will, but we cannot know how others are feeling, their state of “self-awareness” or what they are thinking unless they tell us. We can then attempt to judge for ourselves whether we want to accept that or not. This in itself becomes a “self-awareness” action, as in doing so we need to be aware of what we know and how we are “feeling” about the situation.

Self-awareness is an on-going learning process, which is why I tied it to the ability to learn (https://johnkwhitehead.ca/soft-skills-ability-to-learn/). We really do need to believe that learning is important or why do it? And by taking on “learning” we in turn become more self-aware.

Self-awareness is a state of mind; it is something many of us actively pursue. I have come to understand that people pursue self-awareness for a variety of reasons, all valid as they are theirs. They may be seeking an answer to a challenge they are facing or reflecting on an event that has impacted them. It occurs to me that there is a long history of this practice — self reflection is major component of many belief systems, and the practice of self-discovery is an integral part of that. Without getting into the mystical, the practice of spending time in reflection brings with it the opportunity for a deeper understanding of one’s thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

I tie self-awareness to emotional intelligence (EI) and the model designed by Sparrow & Knight (2006), which breaks EI down to Intrapersonal Intelligence (self-awareness and self-management) and Interpersonal Intelligence (other awareness & relationship management) or, as I teach in my Social Styles workshops, Know Yourself, Control Yourself, Know Others, Do Something for Others. Sparrow and Knight state that EI is the habitual practice of

Using emotional information from ourselves to other people;
- Integrating this with our thinking;
- Using those actions to inform our decision-making to help us get what we want from the immediate situation, and from life in general.

In other words, EI is using thinking about feeling (and feeling about thinking) to guide our behaviour (Neale, Spencer-Arnell & Wilson, 2011). Chade-MengTan (2012) uses Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol as an example of someone with very low intrapersonal intelligence and describes how it took three the intervention of three ghosts to raise his self-awareness. Raising self-awareness is raising our EI. Although we don’t have the opportunity to have ghosts to demonstrate to us the levels of our own self-awareness (thankfully), we do have other tools at our disposal, such as formal 360 assessments and behaviour profiles such as Tracom’s SOCIAL STYLE and Versatility profile. We can also solicit feedback from family and friends to check if our perception of ourselves matches how others see us. These tools can give us a start in increasing self-awareness.

As a coach I see this often in my client sessions. As they grasp a better understanding of the challenges they are facing, they get a better understanding of who they are, and become more self-aware. I can actually see the moment of realization or recognition: the client’s body position shifts, facial features change and often they vocalize it in some way. As a coach I can help a client become more aware of themselves as I lead them into a deeper exploration of the challenges they may be facing. The technique I use with clients to help them become more self-aware is to journal. I ask them to articulate each day’s events and progress as a means of recording how they were “feeling”, how their body was reacting, getting them to recognize triggers and then how to use them to achieve their desired changes. This can be a process of days, weeks, or even longer, but over time the act of just doing it raises their self-awareness and can lead to change. My role in that activity is to hold them accountable to doing it and to ask the questions around what they learn and how that can use that learning to create sustainable self-awareness and change.

Comment from Mark

I found your post interesting and addressing all the aspects you mention, a challenge!. Reading it, I found some questions arose as I’m struggling to get to grips with understanding my own self-awareness. It is continuously reinforced that self-awareness is crucial and I’m keen to gain assurance that I am self-aware. Even so, I am finding it tricky to distil a clear understanding of self-awareness and the means by which I can know (instead of feel or believe) I am self-aware. I’m also having a similar difficulty with knowing if someone else is self-aware or not.

If there is no way to know we are self-aware, then if anyone believes they are self-aware, they are with absolute certainty self-aware as there is no way to prove otherwise. It’s obviously not only about knowing our strengths and weaknesses as we could confirm these via external feedback.

With the importance of self-awareness no one wants to think themselves as not self-aware. However, without a means to know you are self-aware, anyone who thinks they are self-aware is with absolute certainty self-aware as there is no means to know otherwise. Furthermore, if there is no way to know I am self-aware, there is no way to compare self-awareness with others.

This situation being the case, it makes discussion and promotion of self-awareness redundant and superfluous as every view in every discussion is unquestionably right, correct and true for that individual and no one else can disprove this view.

This this cannot be the case as your valuable contribution reinforces the need and importance of self-awareness, adding to the daily reinforcement, which can be found across the web and social media. With such a consistent reinforcement, it makes sense that the knowing associated with self-awareness has been addressed providing a clear means to know (not believe or feel) any individual is self-aware or not. However, I’m struggling to pin this down and obtain clarity about how I can know I’m self-aware.

I’d appreciate your insights/pointers with regards the means by which you know you are self-aware and are able compare self-awareness with others on a platform of knowing rather than feeling or believing. I hope this makes some sense. – Mark

Leadership Development, Learning, personal development, Self-Awareness, Soft Skills

Soft Skills – Ability to Learn

John Whitehead

April 3, 2019

I am a strong believer in continuous learning. If you have been following this blog for some time you will know that I am constantly looking for opportunities to learn. I often tell the story of the time I and some colleagues were in a management meeting when the topic of learning came up. At the time, two of us were reading Marshal Goldsmith’s book, What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There (Hyperion). The third person chimed in with a statement that not only struck me as idiotic then, but still causes me to shake my head in disbelief today. He said (and I’m paraphrasing), “I don’t read any of those kind of books anymore. Since I have my MBA I know all I need to know.” I remember the setting and the individuals and those words so very clearly even though this happened almost ten years ago. Its effect on me became so profound that I am sure it had some part in my decision to go back to school in 2010 to get my MA. How could someone believe that they had nothing more to learn?

“Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.” — Socrates

This series on Soft Skills development is based on an understanding that we should be improving ourselves, learning how to communicate better, listen to understand and to be intentional in our learning, and in by doing so, gain the confidence in ourselves to be better leaders. The list of soft skills can be endless. I have chosen in this series to focus on Self-awareness, Professionalism, Communications, Team-building, Problem-solving, Time & Personal Management, Attitude, Adaptability, Self-confidence, Networking and finally Continuous Learning. It is not an accident that I started with self-awareness and end with learning. It seems to be that the first step in anything is to recognize that something needs to be done, to figure it out and then decide to do something about it.

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.” — Henry Ford

One way to determine where one needs to grow and become aware is by listening to others. This has the potential to be unpleasant and uncomfortable because it means having to listen to what others think about you and where they think you can improve. Such feedback can come in many forms, from formal performance reviews to comments made on the fly, and they aren’t always given in a positive manner — sometimes they can come as criticism. Not all of us like to take criticism, but we can attempt to take it in stride, and use such comments as a launch pad to improvement. LeBron James is quoted as saying: “I like criticism. It makes me strong”.

The ability to listen to and accept criticism is a key component of self-confidence. One way to get out in front of this is to actively ask for feedback on how our actions affect other people’s performance. It demonstrates that we value what others have to say, and helps develop a sense that we are committed to what we do and to our own growth. In an ongoing study by Kouzes and Posner, in their work on leadership (The Leadership Challenge, Leadership Practices Inventory), they find that this one item consistently ranks at the bottom on surveys of leaders.

“Those people who develop the ability to continuously acquire new and better forms of knowledge that they can apply to their work and to their lives will be the movers and shakers in our society for the indefinite future.” — Brian Tracy

Next… how to learn and grow from criticism.

Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, personal development, Self-Awareness, Self-Confidence, Soft Skills

How can Self-confidence drive success?

John Whitehead

March 20, 2019

In this, the seventeenth in my series of posts exploring soft skills, I want to focus on Self-confidence. How does Self-confidence drive success? One of the problems I have with this particular soft skill is that it can easily become or be viewed as arrogance. There is a fine line between being self-confident and allowing your ego to overtake you, leaving others with the perception that you consider yourself superior to them. Self-confidence has been defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment and the belief or confidence in oneself that one knows what to do, how to do it, and can handle challenges as they arise. The factor that stops self-confidence from moving into arrogance is humility, which is to say that you remain self-aware about others’ perceptions of you and are able to modify your behaviour to avoid coming off as brash or sounding like a know it all.

“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings”. – Samuel Johnson

As I continue my study of Soft Skills I become more convinced about how connected they are with Emotional and Social Intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is based on the foundation of first knowing yourself, managing or controlling yourself, social awareness or knowing others and finally relationship management or, simply put, doing things for others. The foundational piece for all four of these areas is self-awareness. Self-confidence then comes into play in how well you feel about your level of self-awareness; how well you understand your own strengths and weaknesses, and strengthening and improving both. Confidence is about building yourself up, not tearing others down. And as I have written in previous posts, when you’re confident, you make others around you feel confident too.

Confident Behaviours

So what does it mean to be confident? Here are some examples of both confident and non-confident behaviour:

Confident Behavior	Behavior Associated With low Self-Confidence
· Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it	· Governing your behavior based on what other people think.
· Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things	· Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure, and therefore avoiding risks
· Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them	· Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.
· Waiting for others to congratulate you on your accomplishments	· Extolling your own virtues as often as possible to as many people as possible
· Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.”	· Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh that prospectus was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”
From: https://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

One key trait of highly self-confident people is that they build up others rather than tearing them down. Having self-confidence means that you do not feel competitive with others—their success doesn’t take away from your own. Some ways to exhibit self-confidence are:

Find ways to build up others.
Compliment others.
Acknowledge others’ contributions, and express your gratitude.
Being a mentor can also help to build others up by helping them develop skills, which will help them develop their own self-confident

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered—just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” – Barrie Davenport

By exhibiting self-confidence you are demonstrating your belief in self, increasing your own self-awareness and presenting a confident, positive image. As a soft skill, self-confidence will give you an advantage over others and lead to better success.

How to Build Self-Confidence: a Soft Skill Work in Progress

Self-confidence, like all Soft Skills can be improved. In fact, a few very simple tactics can help you quickly build your self-confidence. As you become more confident, you will find that you will have experiences that will build your confidence even more.

“With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” — Dalai Lama

Self-Questionnaire

How confident are you? It can be hard to assess our own self-confidence. Taking some time to ask a few questions and answer them honestly can help you gauge the areas where your confidence is high and the areas in which you can develop greater self-confidence. How strongly do you agree with these statements?

I know intuitively what’s right for me.
I walk my talk.
I am honest with others.
I am honest with myself.
I feel comfortable being wrong.
I am more interested in finding out what is right than being right.
It is not important to me that I be right all the time.
I feel like I can meet any challenge.
I operate well under pressure.
I do not put others down.
I like to share the spotlight with others.
I have a clear vision for my life.

How did you do? Based on your responses here are some basic ideas to help you build your self-confidence:

Stay away from negativity and bring on the positivity. This is the time to really evaluate your inner circle, including friends and family. This is a tough one, but it’s time to seriously consider getting away from those individuals who put you down and shred your confidence. Even a temporary break from such people can make a huge difference and help you make strides toward more self-confidence.
Be positive, even if you’re not feeling it quite yet. Put some positive enthusiasm into your interactions with others and hit the ground running, excited to begin your next project. Stop focusing on the problems in your life and instead begin to focus on solutions and making positive changes.
Change your body language. This is where posture, smiling, eye contact, and speaking slowly come into play. Just the simple act of pulling your shoulders back gives others the impression that you are a confident person. Smiling will not only make you feel better, but will make others feel more comfortable around you. Imagine a person with good posture and a smile and you’ll be envisioning someone who is self-confident.
Look at the person you are speaking to, not at your shoes–keeping eye contact shows confidence. Last, speak slowly. Research has proved that those who take the time to speak slowly and clearly feel more self-confidence and appear more self-confident to others. The added bonus is they will actually be able to understand what you are saying.
Image. Go the extra mile and style your hair, give yourself a clean shave, and dress nicely. Not only will this make you feel better about yourself, but others are more likely to perceive you as successful and self-confident as well.
Don’t accept failure and get rid of the negative thoughts. Never give up. Never accept failure. There is a solution to everything, so why would you want to throw in the towel? Make this your new mantra. Succeeding through great adversity is a huge confidence booster. Low self-confidence is often caused by the negative thoughts running through our minds on an endless track. If you are constantly bashing yourself and saying you’re not good enough, aren’t attractive enough, aren’t smart enough or athletic enough, and on and on, you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are becoming what you are preaching inside your head, and that’s not good. The next time you hear that negativity in your head, switch it immediately to a positive affirmation and keep it up until it hits the caliber of a self-confidence boost.
Be prepared. Learn everything there is to know about your field, job, presentation–whatever is next on your “to conquer” list. If you are prepared, and have the knowledge to back it up, your self-confidence will soar.
For tough times, when all else fails: Create a great Life is full of challenges and there are times when it’s difficult to keep our self-confidence up. Sit down right now and make a list of all the things in your life that you are thankful for, and another list of your accomplishments in which you take pride. Once your lists are complete, post them on your refrigerator door, on the wall by your desk, on your bathroom mirror–somewhere where you can easily be reminded of what an amazing life you have and what an amazing person you really are. If you feel your self-confidence dwindling, take a look at those lists and let yourself feel and be inspired all over again by you.

From: Peter Economy. INC Magazine

http://www.inc.com/peter-economy/5-powerful-ways-to-boost-your-confidence.html

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” – Barrie Davenport

Build Up Others

Finally, one key trait of people who have high self-confidence is that they build up others rather than tearing them down. Having self-confidence means that you do not feel competitive with others. Their success doesn’t diminish your own. Find ways to build up others. Compliment them. Acknowledge their contributions, and express your gratitude. Being a mentor can also help to build others up by helping them develop skills, which will help them develop their own self-confidence.